Excuse me sir, you seem to have something green lurking between your teeth.

Close your eyes. Wait, do not close your eyes because then you would not be able to read this. Open your eyes. Stare intently at the screen and try to imagine this with me. You are having a conversation with someone you have respected, it's past tense for a reason, and everything is going swimmingly until he or she slips in a sentence that has improper grammar. Now, living in the south has made me immune to these things, but for some reason I realize them more now. I think it is because I receive a daily dose of grammar. Anyways, once you have heard this improper use of grammar, which is much like fingernails on a chalkboard or any sound that makes you want to punch infants, you become so sidetracked that you have completely lost track of what this once respected person is trying to say to you. You are now just staring at him, trying to figure out how he could possibly make that horrible mistake. I may be over reacting a bit about this whole situation, but I believe that when you speak to someone you should make every effort to speak grammatically correct. It just makes you sound more competent. It's kind of like when the person you're talking to has something stuck in his teeth or something on his face. You cannot move past this glaring distraction to give the person your full attention, so when questions are posed you answer with the ambiguous, "Uh huh," or "hmmm interesting," while you are thinking the whole time how you just want to reach up and pick it out. This would, of course, pose a problem if you decided to act on your thoughts. Everyone around you would stare at you in awe as you reached your hand up to the person's mouth to rid your conversation of the distraction that has been so very present. Socially unacceptable, you know, that whole bag. You know what I am talking about. Quit trying to say you've never thought of these things. Grammtical issues in speech really grind my gears, so I figured I would allow the wonderful world of the interweb to be allowed to browse these ideas as well.

And You Think That is Okay Because Why?

Picture this: You are taking a quick shopping trip to WalMart. You are driving around looking for a parking spot when you spot one. You speed up a little bit in order to reach the parking spot before any other crazed and addicted shopper can. You go to whip your car into the spot when BAM! there's a shopping cart. Enraged, you put your car in park and move the cursed shopping cart from the spot. Muttering profanity under your breath because you cannot believe you have to get out of your car in order to move someone else's shopping cart, you get back into your car to finish pulling in the parking spot. You then get out of your car, slam the door, and take the shopping cart that looks as if it has sat outside during a tornado and has the squeakiest wheel on planet earth, into the store. Yeah, it's happened to all of us. It is the worst way to start out a shopping adventure, and it is also a situation that could be easily avoided. There is an unspoken agreement made when you first place your hands on the rail of a shopping cart to push it around a store. That agreement is that YOU, the shopper/pusher, will take the cart back to its rightful home, which is not the parking spot in case you were wondering. Are you really that lazy and tuckered out from your shopping expedition that you cannot walk twenty feet to the nearest cart holder and put the cart back? Yes, yes you are.

While on the beach this summer, I was observing a two families, who were obviously good friends, bring their two infant children outside. Normally I think nothing of babies at the beach, because personally I believe that should be one of your first trips as a small child. This situation was never remotely close to being normal. The mother of the child, sits down in her beach chair, says something to her husband, whips "it" out, I think we all know what "it" is in this statement, and starts breastfeeding her baby. Alright I get that all modesty when out the window when the entire world got a view of your lady business for hours on end, but can you spare the rest of us? Why, in God's name would you think it is okay to breastfeed your child on a public beach? First off: ew. Second off: ew. Third off: Somethings are only done in private for a reason. Could you not have done this feeding before you came out to the beach? I mean at least cover yourself with a towel or something. I mean really, what are you thinking? Would it be acceptable for me to go running around with a boob hanging out? I think not, so I would prefer if you would abide by the social norms as everyone else has to. I am more grossed out and horrified by this experience than upset. I figured I would allow my readers to share in the shock that this situation caused me.

She Looks Like one of those Rap Guy's Girlfriends

Rap. Hip Hop. The greatest experience of your teenage/20s. Whatever you refer to it as, you know what I'm talking about. It's the music that makes you want to dance without you even realizing it. The beat sucks you in, and before you know it you have picked it up and you are singing the chorus. But here is a proposition my friends. Just sit back one day and listen to the lyrics that are too fast to understand when you are caught up in the catchy beat. The lyrics are dirty, hillarious, and sometimes very confusing. You never know exactly what is meant by a rap song and in that way, rap is very much like art, open to interpretation. That's right I just said rap was an art form. Wipe that look of shock off your faces. It really is. I mean let's do a side by side comparison. Rap-You can make a lot of money off of one song, sometimes it can be really awful and people still enjoy it, there are many different songs, every artist has their own style, and people always enjoy a certain artist over the others. All of these things also hold true for art.
Back to the lyrics. One song that recently came out says the lyric, "I'm twenty years old, but I stroke it like I'm thirty-five." This lyric is killing two birds with one stone. It is both dirty and a little confusing. At first I thought, "Well that's backwards. Wouldn't you want a 20 year old over a 35 year old?" But after polling a few people I realized he was talking about experience. This makes sense and I applaud Plies on his thought provoking lyric. Another question that has risen due to a rap lyric is, "Would you want someone to pour koolaid on you and proceed to lick it off?" My first thought was no way jose! That would be extremely sticky and very awkward. I then asked a few people (I enjoy surveys) and they all agreed accept for one who stated it depended on the guys hotness. I give her credit. I like the argument. There are so many songs that are like this. There are also songs that tell you what to do while the song is happening. Example, "Turn it up, turn it up" or "Bend over and touch your toes." Now while these songs are enjoyable, if you are in a vehicle and the latter comes on you feel compelled to do what the lyric says but you realize this action will put your life as well as others lives in peril. This a bad thing. Here's my PSA, "If you want to bend over and touch your toes, resist. Don't do it. Don't be one of their robots who acts on everything they say. Be above the influence. ^" I may have stolen the last part of that from a drug ad, but you know what? I don't care. Anyways, I just wanted to share my opinion on the wonderful thing we Americans, and some Europeans/Canadians, like to call Hip-Hop.

You cannot be serious?

One of my dad's favorite quotes is, "There are a lot of stupid people in this world." I believe him more and more everyday. I am not saying I am the smartest person in the world by any means. I do not want to build myself up, but I believe myself to be smarter than the average bear. One of the brighter colors in the coloring box, perhaps the macaroni orange. Anyways, I am in a class with what are considered to be average students. Granted these students do try because when you sign up for the class I am currently enrolled in, you know that in order to not fail you will have to put forth some effort. This being said, I have heard some of the dumbest questions I have ever encountered in my life in this class. One of which being, "So, the baby doesn't grow in your stomach?" (in reference to the organ) My all time favorite discussion being about birthing children. Why do we always get on this subject, you may be asking yourself? I guess it is just the wonderful joy of high school. We are all worried about getting prego. Back to my favorite discussion. We were talking about the body processes and a girl raises her had and poses the question, "Can a whole arm fit up there?" (in reference to having a baby and a woman's no no zone) Our teacher looks at her and replys, "No, that's not physically possible." The girl, not to be proved wrong says, "No I'm pretty sure it can because when my sister was having her baby it looked like the nurse fit her whole arm up there." The teacher once again states it is not possible and the sheet that is draped over the lady is probably the reason why she thought it to be possible, but the girl replies, "No, Im pretty sure it happened." Our teacher then brings out a model to show that there is no possible way a human arm could fit up there. The girl then asks how women's intestines do not fall out through the privates. Our entire class laughs and the teacher tells her there are separate cavities for these organs. The girl then shakes her head and finally agrees with what the teacher is telling her and class resumes. By this point I am asking myself how this girl could have had these queries in the first place. She is a GIRL in HIGH SCHOOL. I mean really, she cannot be serious.
Another awesome example of people being, for lack of a better word, stupid, is my experiences working at a restaurant. I love my job, but the people aspect, not so much. I can't stand whiney people. Nonetheless, my favorite experience happened this summer while i was working on a Friday afternoon. To set up the scene for you I will let you know that there are two attractions in downtown Mocksville. One is a bar, and one is our restaurant. To be allowed in the bar you must be a member. Moving on with the story. We had a lady come in and I said what I always say. "Hi ma'am, how are you doing today?" She answered fine and then asked what we charged for coming in. I said "Ma'am this a a restaurant, there is no cost except for you paying for your food." She stared at me for a minute and then said, "Oh ok. Do y'all have music?" I replied, "Yes ma'am on Wednesday nights." She said, "Does that cost anything?" I said, "No ma'am this is a Restaurant, the only charge is for the food." She said thank you, shook her head and left. Really lady? Really? The name of the restaurant is Restuarant 101. Come on now. Ohh society, how I cherish our interactions.

Oh the Humanity

Why do radio stations, and by radio stations I am directly referring to rap stations because let's all face it they are the only stations worth listening to, insist on having a remix hour? You're cruising along at approximately 11:30 pm listening to some awesome tunes, singing along when all of a sudden it gets stuck on the same word like a DJ is spinning the hits. If you are like me this situation upsets you, and you quickly turn the channel to only be hit with the realization that the music on all other stations sucks. Frustrated, you turn back to remix hour and try to enjoy the snipets of songs you can pick out of the scrambled mess of remix hour. This really grinds my gears.

Mommy's OK, Just Keep Eating Everyone

Here's a fun topic. Children. Most of the people whom are reading this know of my opinion of small children, but to clarify/tell those who are reading this that do not personally know me (A gal can dream, right?) this is how I feel about the wonderful bundles of joy that most call children.

I have no problem with cute kids. Everyone enjoys the little girl or boy that toddles around or says the darndest things. But then there are the kids that are quite possibly directly from the loins of Satan. You know who I'm talking about. The kids that scream their heads off while in a public place or the kids that talk obnoxiously loud in church. I can partly blame this on their parents lack of discipline. I mean I know you're supposed to ignore your child's "pay attention to me" crys because they need to learn they cannot always get what they want, but when this teaching method comes at the expense of every single person within a thirty mile radius (slight exaggeration) then I am no longer supportive. Take your child outside, use violence, do anything to shut them up because you are now interrupting my dinner, and much like any normal person I would like to eat my meal in the normal conditions that are expected of a restaurant atmosphere unless you are at a steakhouse or Chuck E Cheese.

Parenting skills are a whole other topic. Most people think that they should never use violence when parenting. By violence I mean spanking. Yes, I said it. Spank your child. Personally, I believe the best way to keep your kids in check is to intimidate them. Let them know you are the boss, and you mean business! (Lewis and Daggett) If a child is intimidated by you then they will do everything they can to not upset you, ultimately making them good children. Everyone wins. Some people take this too far and become the parents that constantly yell at their children. This is what I like to call overkill, so you need to know moderation. Blasphemy, this is America, there is no moderation! Oh, but there is my friend.

By now you may be thinking, "Wow Erin, never have kids because I do not think you really understand what being a parent means." My reply to that is, I think I will be a good parent because my kids will be the ones that everyone enjoys being around. So ha! in your face reader. I hope I have not lost anyone because that was just self defense. I am not going to let your thoughts bully me. I digress, I just believe people should actually parent their children and enjoy being around them instead of trying to pass them off to their parents (the child's grandparents) because that teaches the kids that they can get away with everything. Let's face it, grandparents are huge softies. Kids need to have structure, discipline, and know that that are not in charge. At this point I am questioning my expertise because I am not a parent. This is all hypothetical parenting, so I hope this is all taken with a grain of salt.

This is all about parenting, so I will make a later post about my family of champions due to the lengthiness of this post.

No Sweety, Don't Put That There

First off, I am creating this blog to share stories and my opinions on life and current issues. Somtimes I have awesome life experiences that I need to tell the world about, and what better way to do this than to post them to a public blog? The reason you cannot think of anything is because there is not a better way. Secondly, I will only try to discuss things that I find entertaining because I do not want this blog to become something boring and dull. Everything is fair game for me to discuss. I dabble in politics, so this will be discussed. Don't like it, too bad. This harsh take it or leave it attitude has probably just cost me a reader, but I mean isn't that just how life goes? Seeing as how this is a rhetorical question I have no need to answer it or explain further so I will allow you, the reader, to ponder on what I mean by,"isn't that just how life goes?" I also enjoy music, so I am sure that at some point that will also be discussed. I am now realizing that this blog is going to become another means of procrastination for myself, but I'm not too worried about this life obstacle. I am excited for the future of this blog, and I hope that as I post stories and opinions I will get a sense of pride because I'm basically doing this for myself. I mean, we have to be realistic, few people are going to check up on this blog. These few people also know my stories, so it will be repetative for them. I apologize in advance, but thanks for the support. I am now starting to ramble, so I will cut this wonderful post off. Happy Reading